Something So Magic About You...

Today's obsession & post title are from: Hozier's From Eden.

The joy of loving & being loved.

To find someone who resonates with you is tough enough.

To find someone who resonates with you & thinks the same as you is tougher.

To find someone who resonates with you, thinks the same as you, & loves the same as you is doubly tough.

To find someone who resonates with you, thinks the same as you, loves the same as you, and loves you back..? What are the odds?

I am truly blessed.

Re-affirmation From The Universe.

The universe has gotten me gobsmacked once again.

When is a failure, a failure? When is a successful person, a successful person?

Just because one is not up to the mainstream idea of what success is, does not mean one is not living life.

& time & again it is being shown to me that I first need to be strong in order to help others find their strength.

I am honoured & grateful that my metta meditation has produced such positive results in under a week.
I re-establish my understanding that my struggles were only to empower me to lift others up when they are down.
I accept whatever comes my way.
I am grateful for a life that allows me so many opportunities to deepen my spirituality & practice my dharma.

Do not connect with me because of the clothes I wear.
Do not think me a pure person because of the tattoos on my skin.
Do not seek me solely based on the recommendations of others.

Trust me because of that special glint in my eyes.
Have faith in me because of the brightness of my smile.
Believe in me because of the volition behind my words.

Today, I release the words I always tell myself, when things go wrong: I am not God.

I realize that, by stating 'I am not God', I was always indirectly blaming others for my feelings & situation at that moment. I replace those words with no other words nor sounds, but just silent acceptance & the sound of my breath & pulse.

Speak, I am listening.
Show me, I am looking.
Approach me, I am waiting.

May nothing deviate me from the divine.
May I radiate nothing but love.
May there be others to support me when I am weak.

Abhyasa - Practice, & all is coming.

The practice continues every moment. Namaste.

The Twin Flame.

It's true that you don't need anyone to understand you. & I learnt this the hard way. But I'm so grateful for that, because now I can far better appreciate the person(s) who understand me, & see me the way I have been seeing others. & it feels good to be on the receiving end for once.

Thank you.

I see you too.

Sam Tsui & Max's cover of Imagine Dragon's Demons.

The Avett Brothers - The Ballad Of Love & Hate.

Jack Johnson - Better Together.



What is love? Truly - What. Is. Love.

The absence of judgement.

The presence of clarity.

Where there is love, everything else automatically falls into place: respect, acceptance, understanding, care, honesty...the list goes on.

Why clarity?

Only when you look at another through the lens of love, will you truly see through to the very core of that person.

Love does not expect anything. It just gives. 'I have this gift I would like to give to you, now fuck off & do whatever you please with it'.

When expectation is removed, so is fear. You are just present in every moment, giving love fully.

At the same time, love isn't always soft & nurturing. At times it has to take on a more masculine form - tough love. To the outsider, this may seem harsh, but in the right situation, tough love needs to be employed for the greater good of the other.

What say you?

The Obligatory 'On Hindsight' Year End Post.

Today's theme is still Royal Blood's self-titled album, plus Ravi Shankar's Chants of India. It's been a while since I've listened to Chants of India - a very beautifully put together album. I loved it the moment I heard it. & I think it really got embedded in my subconscious, & activated a huge, hidden part of my desire for spirituality, because slowly but surely each individual chant has been popping up unexpectedly, at various & random points of my life. Mind-fuck.

Every year-end I think to myself, 'Damn, this was one helluva life-changing year, it's the one that has made the biggest change in my life!'. & yes I've been saying the same thing again this year. I guess it is an understatement to say that you never know what's round the corner.

Who really knows how much higher we can ascend in this physical body? I really like the philosophical query, 'what if someone asked you how the number nine smells like?' or '...what colour the number nine is?'. Seriously. Who knows what the universe holds!

Life is comprised of:

Things we know we know.

Things we know we don't know.

Things we don't know we know.

Things we don't know we don't know!

Sound legit?

The possibilities are endless! Can you really blame me for being so excited? Bahahahahah..!

I'll continue writing in point form, to make things easier. & I'll definitely revisit most of them at some point next year. I have a habit of repeating myself a lot. But only because I come up with new insights or point of view on the topic. *slap on the wrist avoided!*

What did I learn this year? Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Love. It's the most important thing of all. I don't give a rat's ass what you say. This has been proven to me time & again, & even when I tried to go against this universal law, I got fucked over even more! & this covers a whole range of other sub-topics - self-love, love for others, unconditional love, etc etc.

2. Let go or be dragged. No matter how hard it is. It is always better to let go of things that aren't doing you any good. By holding on, I only got more shit in return than anything. & by letting go, I got so much more than I could even imagine. Let go of past hurts, people, events. Learn from them, but do not burden your future self with them. Let go of ego. Let go of expectations as well. The universe will provide. Have faith.

3. When you want something, the whole universe conspires in your favour. - Paulo Coelho -

Truth! Even when things were in the sewer, I was being led to far better things. Things that at that time I never even knew I wanted!

4. An attitude of gratitude is the highest yoga. Truly, there is so much to be thankful for in this world. You complain about your stubby legs? There are people who wish they had legs. It is easy to take for granted things like having clean water, food on the table, a roof over our head. These simple things in life are the things that someone, somewhere out there would literally kill to have. Be thankful. Give thanks, & more blessings will come.

5. There is no short cut to health. If you want to heal yourself from something that's ailing you, or to strengthen your body, you'd better damn well be prepared to put in the work. That's not to say 'no pain, no gain'...no! Sthiram sukham asanam - is the posture steady & comfortable? Why be a masochist? Do your best & slowly but surely you will improve. Expecting to be healed through just medication & no work is just a half-assed excuse as to why you can't get better. 

6. Life is what you make out of it. If someone dies for his/her country, it was their choice. If someone is working 24/7, chasing dreams of a professional career, that's their choice. What makes you happy? How would you like to spend your life? Let the world say you are crazy, then you are free to do what you want to. Life is too, too short to waste time thinking about what other people are thinking about you.

7. The importance of The Sisterhood. Before this I have always held back in my relationships with other females. But somehow, this year I've learned to be more open & receptive to the women in my life. I have definitely been missing out on something for most of my life!

8. Expression, not repression. Society has conditioned us to practice having a stiff upper lip. Don't cry, crying is a sign of weakness. Don't laugh, life's no laughing matter. Don't this, don't that. What use is human emotion if we are not allowed to freely express ourselves? Energy never diminishes, it only changes form. Therefore, would energy that goes unexpressed, fester in our bodies & eventually turn into something else?

9. Last but not least. It is so, so very important to find your tribe. Yes, riding solo is of course commendable, & gives you strength & courage that no one can take away from you. But how many of us are at that level? I met a lovely girl in New Zealand who wisely said that it is so much easier to march forward as a tribe, compared to going it alone. That being said, you reading this...yes, you!...if you're feeling alone, just know that you are definitely not. I believe there's a tribe out there for everyone. You just have to find them. Chin up, chest out, march on!

10. Awareness is truly a gift. & I am sooo obsessed with this lengthy quote by Osho, in his book Beyond Enlightenment:

Awareness Is The Seed Of Godliness In You.

Risk everything for awareness, but never risk awareness for anything. This is the commitment of a sannyasin: that he is ready to lose his life but not his awareness; he has found a value which is higher than life. There is no other value which is higher than awareness. Awareness is the seed of godliness in you. When it comes to its full growth, you have come to the fulfillment of your destiny. As your awareness goes deeper, your actions may not be efficient but they will have a new quality, the quality of grace, which is far more valuable. No machine can have the quality of grace. Your actions, your words will have a beauty of their own.

The way a man of awareness lives, each moment is filled with tremendous grace & beauty. It is reflected in his actions, even in the smallest actions - just in the gesture of his hand or just the way he looks; in the depth of his eyes or the authority of his words or the music of his silence. His very presence is a celebration.

Isn't it beautiful? Yes, never, ever, give up awareness for anything or anyone. It is far too precious a gift.

Well, that's me for now.

Happy New Year, peeps. I'll be ushering in the new year as usual - sleeping. Bahahahahah! Which reminds me, I'd better close the windows, lest the fireworks wake me from my slumber. Bah humbug. Yeah, yeah, I hear ya...I'm the Grinch of New Year's Eve. So what. Hahahahah!

Be Like Cat, My Friend.

When will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut?

When will I ever learn that what I say is overwhelming & gibberish to most others?

I need to be more like Cat - aloof, indifferent.

Just because cats possess that sixth sense, doesn't mean they actually give a shit about what they intuit to act upon it.

Non-cat lovers will argue that the cat is a cold, heartless creature, only sticking to the ones who benefit it the most. Unlike a dog, a cat (usually) will never come sit next to you when you're upset. A cat will not jump or prance around with you when you're happy.

Perhaps they grow weary with the world.

Seeing can do things like that to you.

Today's theme song is Royal Blood's self-titled album. Coming from someone who hasn't actively listened to rock music for a long time, this album is pretty damn eargasmic.

Serendipity.

Good weekend, peeps!

For those of you who are not familiar with my blogging style, I usually have a song or video attached to each post, which has inspired me to write or I was playing while writing. Today it is Mumford & Sons' Ghosts That We Knew.

So...what's been going on? Let me cut right to the chase.

I thought I was living. But I was not. I was living for the sake of, & through others. I guess that's what sometimes happens when you are in a long term partnership.

Don't get me wrong. My ex-husband was (is?) one of the nicest people I know. He once picked up an injured crow, brought it back to his then-trainer's place & got the SPCA to come pick the bird up. Like, who in their right mind picks up a stray animal...& a crow of all things???

But, Life has a strange way of working out. & all of a sudden I was being pulled in a different direction. & I will always feel regret for all the hurt I caused him.

More recently, I got involved with someone whom I thought was perfect. Someone who I saw right through to the depths of his soul. & I lost myself in those depths. He was someone who was drowning & screaming for help. But I was stood at the edge of the river, frustrated at his inability to see that if he would just put his feet down, he could stand up. Throw a life buoy in front of him. He ignores it. Even pushes it away. Continues thrashing in the water.

I lost all self-confidence. Couldn't even take a photo of myself - I would always find something wrong about myself in it. I was not 'allowed' to talk to people he deemed 'inappropriate', not 'allowed' to give my smile freely, not 'allowed' to dress a certain way.

Then there was the cheating, the lying & the emotional manipulation. But let's not get into that. What's the point. In a way it was my fault for letting the situation get out of hand. I realize that now.

You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

'You accept the love you think you deserve.'

I'm tired of being in relationships in which my fullness is not returned. Of course, I definitely agree with & try to practice unconditional love at all times, for any other type of love is just not love. But what to do when there is so much bullshit going on behind your back? Do you just turn a blind eye & continue giving them your all?

Teacher Deep said, '...but first & most importantly - self-love.'

& I have come to know that this is so true.

'Be selfish to be self-less.'

'For only when the jug is full, can water be poured into cups.'

We cannot give to others what we ourselves don't have. When we have so much love inside us, it overflows. Love becomes our natural state of being. & only when that self-love is there, can we establish healthy relationships with others.

So no, I'm not going to accept bullshit behaviour from anyone anymore.

& I have been pretty damn excited for the past few weeks at the prospect of having a solo adventure for a change. I've spent most of my adult life attached to another, so it's extremely liberating to be able to go places, do things, interact, etc. without worrying about what someone else might think about it.

For now, I am responsible only for myself.

When I let go, I stopped being dragged. & the universe opened itself up to me again, in its own serendipitous ways. Kicking myself for always not having faith in the universe & myself.

Today, I opened up an Instagram account. Yes, I am making up for lost time. Damnit, I'm the youngest & the oldest I'll ever be at this moment of time, & I'm sure as hell going to be a narcissist & put myself out into the world if I want to!

& this blog, well besides collecting more tribe members, I need a space to share/discuss my thoughts & experiences, since now no one is obliged to let me talk their ears off...bahahahah..! I suppose even if nobody reads this, I can at least pretend somebody does! Bahahahahah! Nah, it's all about the expression, not repression. & this is one of the few ways for me to express myself.

Life is too short to worry about what others think about you. Even if you love them with all your heart. Because you can't change the minds of people who are committed to misunderstanding you. No matter how good you are, no matter what you do for them; some people will still always think the worst of you.

& that doesn't mean that love was never there. Love is always there. It is the same as how energy is described in physics - it never disappears, it just changes form.

Acceptance of a person is very different from acceptance of their treatment towards you. Does that make sense?

& only when everything is destroyed, can something new begin. I bow to all my soul mates, in all my relationships - thank you for your part in my journey.

Jumping off the edge - geronimo!